By ALICE NUTTALL, MBA, RN, BA
The holidays are here – and despite increased loneliness, there is still JOY if you look for it.
Loneliness and social isolation were a concern before COVID -19 and have only increased over the last several months. The situation has worsened with a second wave of restrictions on us all now as we attempt to contain the spread of the virus. 80% of the population in the United States report loneliness as a major factor in their lives, according to a national survey published in the Journal of Psychoactive Drugs. As loneliness builds, it can lead to low self-worth, inadequacies, negative emotions, and mental and physical distress.
Holidays only intensify feelings of loneliness as we long to gather with our work teams, friends and relatives for fellowship and celebration. Loss of traditional gatherings, renewed travel restrictions, many still working from home, and increased demands on the front lines for healthcare workers leave many socially disconnected. The loss of time with family and friends has created a new type of mental health challenge. Research shows us that loneliness is associated with higher rates of depression, anxiety and suicide. Over 25% of the U.S. population and 28% of older adults now live alone. We know that older adults, in particular, have significantly higher rates of depression if they are isolated. Yet we are all doing our best to protect our older loved ones as the virus spreads.
So with this increased stress and isolation, why am I also talking about JOY, you may ask? Regardless if you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, the word JOY is used more frequently this season. We see it in decorations, holiday cards and hear it in holiday music.
What is Joy? Joy is not the same a happiness. Happiness tends to be the pleasurable feelings we get from having the sense that life is going well. “Happy” is associated with good circumstances. Joy, on the other hand, has a mysterious capacity to be felt alongside sorrow and most especially in the midst of suffering and loneliness. Joy is what we feel deep in our bones when we feel connected to others and when we feel connected to what is genuinely good, beautiful and meaningful. It is possible to experience JOY even when in physical or emotional pain. Joy does not depend on good circumstances.
Adam Potkay in his book, “The Story of Joy,” tells us: “Joy is illumination, the ability to see beyond to something more.” Joy is also the feeling that can arise from sensing kinship with others experiencing similar experiences and when we feel a sense of harmony between what we are doing and our values. We may experience joy associated with a place, a memory, a conversation, an act of gratitude. When we know our actions are meaningful to others, particularly to care for others and keep others safe during this pandemic, we can experience joy.
Twinkle lights that are scattered all over our city that flicker on and off are a perfect metaphor for JOY. It’s not always constant, there is darkness and hardship – but if you watch and look for the ordinary moments that bring joy you will see it shine through the dark. There is sparkle even in this more difficult year.
Recently I was telling my husband that I had hopes of lots of time to bake holiday goodies with our 2 young boys this year because we are spending more time at home. I have such wonderful memories as a child myself holiday baking with my family. After our first round of holiday cookies there were more sprinkles on the floor than on the cookies, the 4-year-old was in timeout, his 6-year-old brother required a Band-Aid, a Christmas ornament got broken, I was sweating, and one tray of cookies got burned. It wasn’t exactly what I had planned. But my Dad was the wise one who reminded me when I was a child, these family baking activities I remember were very similar even though I don’t remember the hard stuff. I only remember the JOY. Similarly, now with my own family there is a lot of JOY despite unplanned or unexpected hardships.
This year, we all must consider an adjustment to our expectations.
We must reimagine ways to connect to those we love, enjoy holiday traditions, and celebrate this year just as we did over Thanksgiving. Find ways to reach out virtually or at a safe distance to those you care about – neighbors, co-workers, friends, families, school friends – and let them know you care! A card or note stating you are thinking about them and they are in fact not alone this holiday season would be a tremendous gift. This is how we spread JOY in a season of loneliness. Perhaps even consider stopping by a friend’s house and singing a holiday tune in their front yard, or calling them on the phone to bring a smile to their face!
No mater your faith, I’m sure you’ve heard the tune “Joy to the World.” Well, this season I am wishing JOY to Lakeland Regional Health and JOY to our community! We cannot “do Joy” or put it on a “to do list,” but we can prepare ourselves to receive it and spread it to others. Gratitude is always a great place to start. There is no imprisoned mind, heartbreak, isolation, or darkness that JOY cannot breakthrough. Joy can find us all if we prepare our hearts and eyes to receive it.
About the Author
Alice Nuttall, MBA, RN, BA, is Associate Vice President of Behavioral Health Services at Lakeland Regional Health. Learn more about our Behavioral Health services here.